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From:  thothmes |
Date:
11th June 2012 21:29 (UTC)
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Land Mimes, Part 1
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It all started with a trip to the mall. When Jack realized that Teal'c was spending his off duty time in BDUs because he lacked anything else to wear, he decided that this had to change, and he gathered up Teal'c and a fruitlessly protesting Daniel, and took them both off to the mall. He'd rather imagined a quick trip through The Gap and Dick's Sporting Goods, followed by a run through Sears to get socks and underwear, but that's not the way it went down. Teal'c did not see the point of a selection of uniform jerseys, and with the exception of a few t-shirts in lurid yellows and oranges from The Gap, he proved to be surprisingly Gap-resistant.
“These blue jeans do not have sufficient room for a person of my size, O'Neill” he stated with disgust.
He did not refer to his height.
Instead, Teal'c spotted an outfitters a few doors down that caught his eye. This was when Jack realized that he had made a terrible, terrible mistake in making this an all male expedition, instead of a team outing. Jack knew that he himself was slightly fashion impaired. Sara had drummed that into him through frequent repetition. He preferred to think of it as preferring the classics, with room to move in comfort. Sara had called it “drawn to the fugly and baggy.” Be that as it may, his running battle with Sara over his clothing had left him with two things: an appreciation for the moderating effect of women on male fashion, and a sympathy for Teal'c's desire to make his own fashion choices. Egged on by Daniel, whom Jack suspected of having more of an interest in the cross-cultural implications of Teal'c's clothing choices, and less of an interest in ensuring that the big guy didn't end up looking funny, Teal picked out a truly frightening series of outfits, with plenty of shiny, neon-colored Hawaiian shirts, and even a cowboy outfit, suitable only for someone who had never as much as touched a horse or cattle, and a few more that screamed “PIMP!” to Jack.
They had just emerged from that store and were heading down towards Sears at the other end of the mall, loaded down with Teal'c's purchases, with Jack a few steps behind where Teal'c and Daniel were walking so they could not see his grimace as he thought about what Carter would have to say when she saw Teal'c in all his lurid glory, when they walked headlong into the clutches of a mime. He was a tall guy, about Jack's size and build, dressed in hi-top sneakers and denim overalls over a bare chest, with a long, shaggy hair of a medium-dark brown, and the traditional white face, and some white gloves. He was eager, energetic, and athletic, and a very, very bad mime. The wind he walked into came from all the directions of the compass. His invisible wall had a wildly undulating surface. He walked in place at a rate of one full step forward for every five steps, and when he hauled in an invisible rope, it seemed like the rope was not a line, but a sine function. It was bad. Harmless, but bad. Jack and Daniel were amused. Teal'c was spooked. Why the doughty warrior with nearly 75 years of battle experience, leader of a vast Jaffa army, experienced with the cultures of many worlds should be deeply troubled by something so simple as a mime, they were unable to get him to explain.
“It is simply not right!” was all he would say.
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From: thothmes |
Date:
11th June 2012 21:30 (UTC)
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Land Mimes, Part 2
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Other than deciding that Teal'c didn't need to be exposed to the life and career of Marcel Marceau, Jack passed it off as a non-issue in the big scheme of things. So the big guy wasn't big on mimes. It wasn't like the Goa'uld were sending mime armies to capture SG teams or anything.
And so it was a non-issue, right up until they ran across the tiny little mime squirrels of P3Y-4379. There they were, happily walking single file down the sandy path through the woods towards the pyramidal structure the UAV had crashed on the top of, when Teal'c, who had been at point, stopped so suddenly that Daniel had nearly plowed into the back of him. He would not let the team proceed, and he called Jack forward to see the threat.
It was a squirrel, or something extremely similar, with ordinary looking coloring, except for the snow white fur on its head, with two little teardrop shapes in black under the fur of the eyes. It was reared up on its hind feet, and was chattering and paddling around with its front paws, for all the world like it was performing an invisible wall mime act. Then it began to walk in place. Badly.
Teal'c's face was a rictus of disgust.
“We must proceed no further on this path, O'Neill,” he said.
After five minutes of trying to convince Teal'c that the squirrel, while disturbingly mime-like, was not harmful, Jack finally decided that it would be easier to detour around as Teal'c desired. They made their way into the woods, cursing as the underbrush caught at their boots, almost as if they were hands reaching out to trip them. Before long Teal'c allowed them to make their way back to the path. Once there, he picked up a baseball sized rock, and lofted it back in the direction that they would have come. There was an explosion, and when the dust cleared, they could all see a crater in the path.
“It was a warning,” said Teal'c.
“Yeah, I can see that,” said Daniel.
Jack was too busy wondering. Which came first, the squirrel or the mime?
Edited at 2012-06-11 23:18 (UTC)
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